Disrespect inculcated

I recall how taken aback I was when I visited the home of a friend a few years ago and her young, just turned teenage daughters referred to me as “Uncle Imran”. My instinct was not to think of them as being respectful but that they thought of me as being old. At the time I did not think it was necessary for them to prefix my name with ‘uncle’ and even thought about telling them as much but resisted, giving the benefit of doubt to their parents collective wisdom. Now however, if they should slip, I will have to insist that they do.

My mind changed finally and firmly this evening but first you must know the back story.

To this day, at 30, whenever I go to Aunty Camille’s shop on Old Road in Vergenoegen (the village where I grew up) I greet her by referring to her as “Aunty Camille”. Whenever I address her I never fail to say “Aunty Camille”. It is what I have always said for I knew no other way. It is how I was brought up by my grandparents. Referring to Aunty Camille without the requisite ‘aunty’ would have been nothing less than disrespectful. During my youth it would have been unthinkable. How could I dare leave out the ‘aunty’ and call her ‘full mouth’ “Camille”?

If I had only dared to enter her shop and refer to her without the ‘aunty’ (I cannot even type her name now devoid of the ‘aunty’ and not feel guilt) sooner, not later, a message would reach home and I’d come in, at the very least if my lucky stars were aligned, for a verbal scolding. Aunty Camille is not a relative of mine. ‘Aunty’ was what was accorded her for the purposes of showing respect as one must, having encountered, or when in conversation with persons significantly older.

I know this is not a situation unique to me as I have noticed similar behaviour patterns in the now men and women with whom I grew up.

I reflected on this this evening after a visit to Aunty Camille’s shop (part OTC pharmacy, part snackette, part grocery, part cosmetics retailer, all thrown together – a true village utility shop) to buy plantain chips and channa. I must mention here that Aunty Camille makes the best plantain, cassava and sweet potato chips and boiled channa this side of the Milky Way, so if you are ever in Vergenoegen you must treat yourself. (Forgive the advertising break, Aunty Camille neither insisted nor knows of my barefaced promotion of her offerings.)

I was in the shop and two young ladies who are legally adults but no more than 21 or 22 entered and greeted Aunty Camille and made their purchases. Each of the several times they spoke to Aunty Camille they addressed her ‘full mouth’ “Camille”. There was no “aunty”, no “Mrs”, no respect. I was repulsed. I thought they were displaying gross disrespect.

I recalled though that my young nephew – 14 this year – also indulges in this behaviour. He calls Aunty Camille and many other adults by their full names without the “aunty” or “uncle” or “Mr” or “Miss” or “Mrs”.

It would appear as though my friend who insists that her children address adults respectfully by using “uncle” and “aunty” and such like is, unfortunately, in a small minority. Children and young adults have lost, for the most part, the sense of respect for their elders. It is not entirely their fault, it is the fault of their parents (many of whom were very young when they bore children) and guardians who have raised them to behave with such contempt.

I am aware that this is a tired argument which has been repeated ad nauseam and one at which young people scoff at. It saddens me that young people seem to have, in the main, lost almost all respect for anyone who is older than they are. I know I sound like my grandparents in presenting this but it is an issue which affects the behaviour of our people in so many facets of life in this country and which has caused many to argue, with some merit, that we have reached a stage of moral decay.

I remember the situation coming to a head some years ago and there was a need for a ‘War on Bad Manners’ campaign. Not unexpectedly, it petered out without much effect. I do not know how we, as a nation, can recover ground on this matter.

There are a few parents out there who are fighting the good fight and inculcating strict discipline, good manners and respect into their children but they are far too few. There are many who feel that the disrespect was learnt from television. I cannot speak with any authority, I am just appalled at what I observed in Aunty Camille’s shop and on the streets and corners all across Guyana.

What I do know is the situation, as is, is unacceptable and needs changing for the better. How we engage change is, I must confess, something I have yet to find a formula. I have an inkling though that starting with families will not be an unwise initiative.